Kev's Life

One of the reasons Mummy wont let him be king

A mother is  driving her little girl to her friend’s house for a play date.

‘ Mommy ,’ the little girl asks, ‘how old are  you?’

‘Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,’  the mother replied.

‘It’s not polite.’

‘OK’, the  little girl says,

  ‘How much do  you weigh?’

‘Now really,’ the mother  says,

  ‘those are  personal questions and are really none of your  business.’

Undaunted, the little girl asks, ‘Why did you and  Daddy get a divorce?’

‘That’s enough questions, young lady!  Honestly!’

The exasperated mother walks away as the two  friends begin to play.

‘ My Mom won’t tell me anything about  her,’ the little girl says to her friend.

‘Well,’ says the  friend,

  ‘all you need  to do is look at her driver’s  license.

  It’s like a  report card, it has everything on it.’

Later that night the  little girl says to her mother,

  ‘I know how old  you are. You are 32.’

The mother is surprised and  asks,

  ‘How did you  find that out?

‘I also know that you weigh 130  pounds.’

The mother is past surprised and shocked  now.

‘How in Heaven’s name did you find that  out?’

‘And,’ the little girl says  triumphantly,

  ‘I know why you  and daddy got a divorce..’

‘Oh  really?’ the mother asks. ‘Why?’

‘Because  you got an F in sex.’

Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again.?

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn’t understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, ‘I’m impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don’t get it — why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?’?

The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, ‘Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we’re normally a three-person team. But today the girl who plants the trees called in sick.’

ONLY AUSSIES
Being Australian is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for A Belgian beer, then on the way home, grabbing an Indian curry or A Turkish kebab, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.
Oh and….. Only in Australia … can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in Australia .. do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.
Only in Australia … do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.
Only in Australia … do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

NOT TO MENTION….
3 Aussies die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
58 Aussies are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
31 Aussies have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
8 Aussies had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
A massive 543 Aussies were admitted to Emergency in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.