Kev's Life

Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about.

Ratings at the bottom.

1.Candy cigarettes
2.Coffee shops with tableside juke boxes
3.Home milk delivery in glass bottles

4. Party lines on the telephone
5.Newsreels before the movie
6.TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (there were only 3 channels [if you were fortunate])
7. Peashooters
8. Howdy Doody
9. 45 RPM records
10. Hi-fi’s
11. Metal ice trays with lever
12. Blue flashbulb
13. Cork popguns
14. Studebakers
15. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0-3 = You’re still young
If you remembered 3-6 = You are getting older
If you remembered 7-10  = Don’t tell your age,
If you remembered 11-15 =You’re older than dirt!

A drunk is sitting at the bar.  There is a very buxom blond a few seats down from him. 
A fellow at the other end of the bar calls for a beer.  The bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar. 
The glass hits the blond’s breasts and spills all over them.  The bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the beer off her breasts.
This happens a couple more times.  The next time, the drunk jumps up and starts to lick her breasts.  She decks him!
He’s lying on the floor moaning and groaning. "how come you let the bartender do it?" he asks the blonde?
She answers: "Because he has got——-

Can you try and guess her answer?
Even if you don’t, you’re gonna love this—–




A LICKER LICENSE!
._,___

   Walking can add minutes to your life…
    This enables you at 85 years old
    to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
    home at $7000 per month.

My grandpa started walking
     five miles a day when he was 60.
     Now he’s 97 years old
     and we don’t know where he is.
   

I like long walks,
     especially when they are taken
     by people who annoy me.
    

The only reason I would take up walking
     is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
    

I have to walk early in the morning,
     before my brain figures out what I’m doing..
  

  I joined a health club last year,
     spent about 400 bucks.
     Haven’t lost a pound.
     Apparently you have to go there.

Every time I hear the dirty word ‘exercise’,
     I wash my mouth out with chocolate….

I do have flabby thighs,
     but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day
     is so when you die, they’ll say,
     ‘Well, she looks good doesn’t she.’

If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
   start with a small country.

I know I got a lot of exercise
     the last few years…….

just getting over the hill.
     We all get heavier as we get older,
     because there’s a lot more information in our heads.
     That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

AND…
     Every time I start thinking too much
     about how I look,
     I just find a Happy Hour
   and by the time I leave,
     I look just fine.

WARNING! GRAPHIC BOATING PHOTO.
THIS IS A PICTURE  OF A MAN WITH JUST SECONDS LEFT TO LIVE  (FRIGHTENING !)